HELP! The Water is Encircling Me, Pulling Me Down!

Sometimes I feel like God is on hiatus, taking a break, especially from all of my complaining and “HELP ME NOW” prayers.  Do you ever feel like that?  Do you wonder where He is and what He’s doing while you are barely hanging on, ready to drown, at any moment?  I do!  A lot lately!  I feel like Job and I are long lost relatives.

Song lyrics describing how I feel have been spinning around in my head lately.  Like Steven Curtis Chapman’s Cinderella opening lyrics (emphasis mine),

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders
It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

And, Jars of Clay Flood,

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

[Chorus:]

But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground

[Chorus]

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

[Chorus]

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Just about the time I get ready to throw my hands in the air and yell out “Where in the heck are you lately?!  Don’t you see I’m drowning down here?!  I can’t take any more!  I don’t care if you think I can!  I can’t!  I am not as strong as you think I am!  Enough already!!!”  Guess what?  He sends me something, a song, a blog post, a friends phone call, a bit of wisdom from one of my children, a passage in a book, a story on TV, something that lets me know He, the Lord of Lords, King of Kings, the one and only Almighty, gets it!  He knows what I’m going through!  And, get this, He cares!  I AM NOT ALONE in all this!  He, my GOD is right there with me, every step of the way.  Most of the time I just need to get out of my own way and I would be a lot better off!

I was told last night that I need to stop focusing on the negative lately and thank God for all my blessings.  Gratitude opens the flood gates of grace!  I know this!  I know that I know this!  I forget, in all the mess of life, I forget!  What is wrong with me?  I have more blog posts on what I need to do, how I have forgotten or failed yet again, than I do on my victories.  Am I really that bad off or is it that I need to write in order to remember and solidify my commitment yet again?

Today I read a wonderful post from the blog that really jump started my desire to blog, A Holy Experience.  It was titled What to Do When You feel like a Loser… let me tell you it hit me right between the eyes!  It was just what I needed!

My lent has not gone according to my plans this year.  I love where Ann says

“Whoever had the crazy idea that Lent was for the good who were forsaking some lush little luxury?  Lent’s for the messes, the mourners, the muddled — for the people right lost. Lent’s not about making anybody acceptable to a Savior — but about making everybody aware of why they need a Savior….  “See how these fingers can angle — how they can bend in surrender to Him.  And if you lay the other index finger across, pick up your cross and follow Him– there it is — there’s the sign to wear, the sign showing the way out of a mess: “A” – amazing.  She has to know this, that the word, “amaze,” it comes from the act of wandering in a maze, to be bewildered, overwhelmed with wonder — amaze.  The losers, the ones lost in the labyrinth of life, are the ones made amazing – by the One who solves the mazes of life.  I touch her cheek, “In Him, you are already amazing.”  She blushes and I laugh, nod my head yes, insisting to this daughter who has to know her Father’s heart for her now because of the Son.  “In the flesh, you’re a mess.  In Christ, you amaze.”  I sign the “A” over her and Christ with the scars, He marks her.  “You’re already amazing.”

I imagine she’s speaking straight to me!  Words I so needed to hear!  The losers, the ones lost in the labyrinth of life, are the ones made amazing – by the One who solves the mazes of life.   “In Him, you are already amazing.”  To know He will solve the mazes of life.  To know that in the flesh I AM an ABSOLUTE MESS!  But in Him I amaze.

God speaks to me when I write.  As I write these words a new song pops in my head, Matthew West’s Strong Enough.

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For both of us

Well maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
That's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, strong enough

Cause I'm broken down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to one thing
You are God and you are strong when
I am weak

I can do all things through Christ who
Gives me strength
And I don't have to be strong enough (2x)

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, strong enough

I am affirmed!  I am strong enough!  I CAN handle ALL I’m given, BUT, only through Him and with His grace.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before him. In love he destined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ, in accord with the favor of his will, for the praise of the glory of his grace that he granted us in the beloved.                                                     Ephesians 1:3

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

                                                                   Philippians 4:13

Lyrics from Steven Curtis Chapman,  Jars of Clay,  Matthew West  Quote from Ann Voskamp  A Holy Experience