Are Your Ready?!

Christmas is almost here, are you ready?  Not only am I not ready in the worldly sense (shopping, house clean, wrapping, food bought and prepared, favorite movies watched etc.), I am really not ready in the spiritual sense.  Almost every year I vow that this will be the year I really prepare during advent, for the coming of our savior.  Almost every year I start out with a bang and quickly go down hill.  This year I didn't even start with a pop, let alone a bang.  I am really not in the Christmas spirit and I'm feeling very uninspired.

Of course I have guilt about my feelings for so many reasons, the biggest being that there are so many people in the world that are suffering, right now.  Me, I'm just cranky and uninspired.  I am truly blessed with a great family and wonderful friends.  I have a fairly, lovely, roof over my head, clothes to wear, and enough food for a three day Christmas feast.  So why do I feel so cranky and disconnected?! 

I could say that part of it is the weather, where I live it is so hot right now that it feels like summer.  I just have a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit in shorts and flip flops.  I want to pull out my boots and cute hats and gloves.  I want to wear my Grandma's wool cape.  I want a roaring fire in the fireplace on Christmas morning.  I want to wake up to a blanket of snow outside.  And what I really long for is a quiet, simple Christmas.

Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to having all of my family here on Christmas, we have a lot of traditions that make the time special.  It is always chaotic and ALWAYS a lot of fun.  I'm just sort of overwhelmed this year, it's been a rough year, and I think I'm longing for quiet and simplicity in every area of my life right now.  My world feels like its going 100 miles an hour, every year I say this year will be different but somehow I never get around to making it different.

The thing that bothers me most this year ,though, is how disconnected spiritually I feel.  I'm longing for quiet, peace and time to spend with the Lord.  And not just a minute here or there or in the bathroom.  I'm talking enough time, to quiet my thoughts and self, to really meditate, and just be in the presence of the Lord.  To be in the stable, and be in awe of the tiny King ,that came so that I may have life and have it abundantly.  I do have an abundant life, I am truly blessed.  But I overlook my abundance because the busyness and the messes of life pull my sights away from the true gifts in my life.



I'm tired; I'm physically, mentally and spiritually tired!  I'm tired of wearing my CRANKY PANTS!  I want to laugh, to be peace filled, and feel the Holy Spirit's presence in my every day life.

I found myself drawn to the song by Faith Hill Where are you Christmas this year.  The words, though I had heard them many times before, rang out with such clarity and touched the bottom of my soul!


"Where Are You Christmas"


Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

“If there is love in your heart and your mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time”
God is love!  Why can’t I stay focused on God?  If I did, my entire year would feel like Christmas!  The words make me cry, I feel every one of those words down in the depth of my soul!  I want to feel Christmas all the time.  I so, very much, want to be so connected with the tiny babe, my savior, that my heart aches.  Why can’t I get past the mess of life and stay connected?

I assumed the saints had it going on!  If St. John of the Cross talks about the Dark Night of the Soul and Blessed Mother Teresa was spiritually dry for years and years where does that leave me?  At first this really depressed me, I mean really!  These people are saints and blessed!  But, then it hit me, they struggled just like I am and they made it to sainthood anyway.  That is amazing news!  They struggled just like me!  They still made it!  So, I may feel disconnected and uninspired right now, but I have hope that I will find and feel Christmas very soon.  Then I will be able to proclaim “I feel you Christmas, I know I've found you, You never fade away, The joy of Christmas, Stays here inside us, Fills each and every heart with love.  I think the saints knew this all along; it’s what kept them going during dark nights and spiritual dryness.  I am inspired to live by their example.

I’m going to act as if I have found Christmas, as I search for that connection.  I’m going to wait patiently as God does His work, in my dark night.  I love Wikipedia’s description of the Dark Night of the Soul, “Although individuals may for a time seem to outwardly decline in their practices of virtue, in reality they become more virtuous, as they are being virtuous less for the spiritual rewards (ecstasies in the cases of the first night) obtained and more out of a true love for God. It is this purgatory, a purgation of the soul, that brings purity and union with God.”  I really want the purity and Union with God, so I’m hanging on for the ride!  One day I hope that I will be partying in Heaven with the King of Kings too!  Want to join me?!

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6 ASV

Picture of Baby Jesus from blogs.voices.com

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