Valentine's Day Part 3

What is it about Valentine’s Day that makes us feel as if we HAVE to do something special for someone we love?  And, what about all the singles out there that don’t have someone special to spend this day with or do something for?  I’ll bet they are pretty annoyed with Valentine’s Day.  Is it the day or is it the way the media hypes it up?  I mean really life is NOT like the romance novels, you know the ones I’m talking about, I call them lust in the dust books.  I picked up one once and only got through the first 10 pages, honestly I was embarrassed and repulsed not to mention disgusted because stuff in those books does not happen in real life!

Oh!  And don’t get me started on movies!  The stuff in romance movies or romantic comedies is SO not real!  Real life is about real people living real lives!  Movies show only beautiful people living these fantastic, wonderful, lives full of merriment, and happiness in the end. (I believe that the Scooby Doo gang provides and excellent example of what I mean.  Fred and Daphne represent the beautiful people, the rest of us normal folk are represented by Velma and Shaggy.) Speaking of the end, love always conquers all and is always enough to get you though!  BULL!  You need a whole lot more than love to make it through all the tough things life throws at you!  You need a tool box full of understanding, compassion, patience, some tenacity and determination to make it through and stay together.  You need to know when to look away and ignore idiosyncrasies, and when to confront big problems.  You need lots of respect, and admiration for each other.  Love alone in our human state will not get us through.  Biblical love, 1 Corinthians love will conquer all, but I haven’t met a human that can truly, 100% of the time give that kind of love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
New International Version (NIV)
 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

While I’m on the subject of love I would like to address that we can’t control who we fall in love with.  There is an entire science devoted to studying the science of love.  Attraction is a physical and chemical reaction that happens in the body and brain (see my book recommendations at the end for more info on this, Dr. Amen’s book).  There is a whole host of chemicals that are released and are present like pheromones and testosterone and estrogen.  You also have different chemicals and hormones at different stages of your relationship such as when your love struck and attracted the chemicals released are adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.  When love and attachment is finally achieved the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin are released.

That helps to explain why you have couples that you couldn’t possibly imagine together.  While I’m sure most men would find a tall, blonde, attractive woman “hot” they don’t all marry one.  The same goes for women, I’m sure a well built, sculpted, attractive man would catch many women’s eyes, but the reality is we don’t all marry one of them.  Even if we do find the person attractive we may not be attracted to them.  They are the Freds and Daphnes, and the rest of the world ends up attracted to Shaggys and Velma.

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