What happens when the movie you’re watching with your family, so closely resembles your life that you can’t breathe and you have to bite back tears? And, your every intention of actually engaging in a fruitful Advent is already days behind, not because of Christmas preparations but because of everyday life stuff. And what happens when the CD you’re listening to reminds you that you’ve broken the commandment of having no other God’s before you? Not because you are worshiping an idol but because you’ve let life take over and you have no real prayer life. And what happens when you realize in your self-wallowing that you are indulging in petty, selfish, pity all the while a family friend is fighting for every last day of his life and families have lost family members or homes to raging wild fires. I’ll tell you what happens, you go to bed feeling pretty hopeless! Hopeless because you realize numerous times throughout the day God has made it a point to show me that I’m where I am in life because of my own choices. Everyday choices as simple as what am I going to wear today? Do I stay in PJs as long as I can or do I get dressed all the way to my lace up shoes so that my brain knows it’s time to work, and not go back to bed.
Choices…in the movie I watched one of the characters says “Life is about choices…every step of the way.” Choices? How many do we make daily without even thinking about them? Eat this or that, wear this or that, drink this or that, this or that, this or that, this or that, without any thought what so ever! I’m late I’ll grab a coffee and donut at XYZ drive-thru before we have to go to, fill in the blank. Then, how did I gain two pounds this week? Choices have an effect, they have repercussions! And before you know it you are 20+ years into your adult life, and you’re wondering how in the heck did I end up here?!
While recently reading the book The Rhythm of Life, I came across a chapter solely devoted to our purpose. It states that we as a society have a hard time with commitment, we are unhappy and suicide rates are at an all-time high. The author Matthew Kelly equates it for the most part, to that fact that we are a society that has lost our sense of purpose. I can relate, I think not only have I lost my purpose, but I've also lost my way, and me. All I can remember as a child is thinking I’m going to grow up and be a stay at home wife and mother. Somewhere in there before I even knew what homeschooling was I knew I would teach my kids at home. Some would call this my calling, but somehow I think it’s my purpose. However, is there more to my purpose? I believe there is. I don’t think I fully understand what my purpose is. Or, maybe I do, and I don’t know how to live it. Either way, I feel frustrated most of the time, and I believe now, that it all goes back to having a real sense of purpose and the choices I make.
So how do I change? What do I do differently? Where do I begin? Flylady says “You are not behind, jump in where you are.” I think Father Larry Richards would say “start with making time for God, don’t just shoehorn Him in between shows or laundry or lessons.” Time for God, time alone with my Lord at the well. I so yearn for that! Let me sit at your feet Lord, call me out, tell me what I’ve done wrong and then let’s talk, show me how to do what you want me to do. Teach me to choose Your will, not mine, teach me how to get out of myself and live as Saint Teresa of Calcutta did, for others. Help me, Mary, to know what it means to choose wife and mother over self.
While researching for this blog post, I found an interesting song Any Road by George Harrison. The lyrics spoke to me, after reading them all, I realized I don’t want to live that life, taking Any Road. I want to choose my road! I want to be like Robert Frost and take The Road Not Taken. Care to join me?