When it rains, it pours!
So once again several family members are sick, including me. Yesterday, I canceled piano lessons and went back to bed for all of 10 minutes. After just dozing off, the roosters awoke and began to mutter about, as they became fully awake. Desperately wanting to stay in bed, but knowing that a six year old and three year old, sometimes known as Frick and Frack can get into more trouble in 10 minutes that a wild hog on the loose in a china shop, I arose barely conscious. I entered the family room to the incessant chattering and whining of The Little Man wanting to watch Dinosaur Train and not being able to put it on himself.
After putting on something, not really sure if it was Dora the Explorer or Dinosaur Train, I began looking for any sort of medication that would make me feel better or at least help me breath a little easier. This led me to remember that The Informer needed her antibiotic, so finding something for her to eat, I then gave her, her medication. About this time, I hear the cat beating on Oldest door, letting me know it is time to be released from his nightly jail cell and that he is in need of the litter box.
No sooner does he come out and I plop myself on the couch, that he starts meowing. So here’s the thing about the cat, he only really meows for two reasons, he can’t get to his food, kept on the washer so the beagle also known as the goat can’t eat it and or there is no water in the water bowl. I slowly arise to check the water bowl, water, check; I then see that the food bowl is buried under mounds of recyclables that haven’t made it to the recycle bins in the garage and a basket of dirty clothes. I decided to push the basket down to make more room for the recyclables therefore freeing up space, in order for said cat to get to the bowl. Not realizing that there were also recyclables on the other side of the basket, I pushed it down and knocked off a bottle. So there’s this law called gravity, it sates “Every particle of matter in the universe attracts every other particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of the masses of the particles and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.”1 Bottom line, the concrete floor was attracting the glass bottle, and the glass bottle being brittle and rigid in nature, of course shattered all over the floor. Both little people were naturally in tow, upon seeing the mess, inquired why I would do such a thing. Making them leave the room so that the glass would not be attracted to their bare feet, we adjourned to the kitchen.
Trying to distract the little people with TV, food, anything so that I can clean up the mess I’ve just made, I see that The Informer might have a small sliver of glass on her foot. As I begin to lift her on to the counter so I can check it out, I hear the cat scratching at some piece of furniture in the living room. I quickly head toward the living room through the dining room and I realize that he is in the dog’s bed possibly getting ready to poop! (Something he does on occasion, no one has figured out why, because we have a self cleaning litter box and it is ALWAYS clean!) I yell at him with my pitiful, sick, raspy voice, he does nothing. So, I decide to scare him because it doesn’t appear that he’s actually pooping. I stomped my foot toward him, this causes him to jump and go running towards the living room. As he takes off, two good sized, hard poop balls go flying through the air. In typical fashion, the little people are right behind me. Not wanting to get hit with projectile poop, The Informer begins a Mexican Hat dance to avoid all incoming bombs and both kids begin to scream.
Completely frustrated that not only do have to clean up a broken bottle, but now I also have to clean up cat poop, I trudge back to the kitchen to check out The Informer’s foot. There is not sliver of glass on her foot, looking back now, how could there be after that perfect rendition of the Mexican Hat dance she did. If there was a sliver I’m sure it’s on the dining room floor now. (Note to self, vacuum dining room floor tomorrow.)
As I lift The Informer off the counter I realize that the cat, not making it very far, is finishing his business, NOT IN THE CAT BOX! But on the entry hall floor! UUGGHH! Big Sigh! I get a Wal-Mart bag and go clean up the balls in the dining room and the mess in the hall. I got the bleach spray and wiped both floors down. Then I went and proceeded to sweep the laundry room floor, all the while being followed by both little people, who are continuing their running commentary on the situation. I’m really trying not to lose it, not sure I could if I wanted to, I had no voice and I was very weak from illness. All I wanted to do was go back to bed and pull the covers over my head!
About the time that I finished cleaning everything up The Informer says “Why did we get that bad cat anyway?!” I told her he wasn’t bad all the time, he just misbehaved sometimes and we aren’t sure why, he’s kind of like a little kid in that way. She then informs me that we never should have gotten that cat and that we should get rid of him. I asked her how she would feel about getting rid of her when she misbehaved. Trying to get out of what she has started, she replied “I just think it’s time for a new white cat, not a gray one” as she turned and tried to slink away. I was too miserable to argue the point.
I would like to note at this point that all three owls slept through the entire event!
Later in the day as I was recounting the story to The Director, laughing out loud he said “You sacred the poop out of him, literally!” To this he laughed even harder. Honestly, I find nothing about the morning funny at all, I just wanted to crawl back in bed pull the covers over my head and stay there until, let’s say, the little people went to college, or at least an hour or so.